i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
