I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
3pm strippers are depressing
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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