I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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