Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
