Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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