Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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