A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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