I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
