All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
