I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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