My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I understand Curling. That high.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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