Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
