Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
