The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
