dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
