hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
