How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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