I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
