Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
