Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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