How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
where are my eyebrows?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
