everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
