Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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