So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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