why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
