I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
