why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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