just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
