Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
