The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
