What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
