After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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