she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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