After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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