Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize