Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
