im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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