the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I have post one night stand depression
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
