my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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