Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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