What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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