I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
