Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
