There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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