your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
