I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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