Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
