I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
