she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
