i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
