I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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