I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
