hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
