I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
