i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
