his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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