Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
