Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
