Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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