mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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