He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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