TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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