i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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