i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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