If i come over, it means nothing
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
