Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
