Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
