hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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