I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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