I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ugly people sure do ruin things
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
