next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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