the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
