There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
