ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
