I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He passed out mid-signature
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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