where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
